The Fashion Police was displaying plenty of eye candy this week as Joan Rivers and her multiple guests selected the hottest athletes in style and fashion. What a great excuse to show off the creme d’ la creme of physiques from around the globe! The sixteenth sweetest was Portugal’s soccer king, Cristiano Ronaldo, who just yesterday helped is team to qualify for the World cup.
Not to be outdone by #16, We jump to #1, the one and only, David Beckham. “When I look at David Beckham”, said Joan, ” I feel like he could make my period come back”. ” I’m actually very similar to a soccer ball, I’m leathery, I’ve got spots, and I’ve been kicked around a lot”.
Danica Patrick at #15, won rave kudos for her look. From red carpet chic, to jumpsuit hot or bikini cool, Danica exudes confidence and flair. Asked Joan, “Why do rednecks have sex doggie style? So they both can keep watching Nascar“. Ya gotta laugh, Danica seems to be laughing all the way to the Ferrari.
Amar’e Stoudemire, #14, the NBA superstar who is a legitimate Black Jewish Fashinisto, was a Joan favorite. “I love him”, said Joan, “he’s like hot sauce on a Matzoh ball”.
Tiger Woods’ lady love, Lindsey Vonn, the new face of HEAD, Skis and sports products, grabs the #13 spot. ” I wanted to be the new face of HEAD”, said Joan, “I even offered to take out my teeth”.
#12 is Polo player Nacho Figueras, the face of Ralph Lauren Black Label. ” “He could be the face of Herpes”, said Joan, “No one would care”.
Tennis great Roger Federer takes the # 11 spot, and American track and field and bobsled athlete Lolo Jones, is #10. Lolo is well known for being a virgin, claiming she wants to save herself as a gift to her husband on her wedding night. Joan suggested she should consider a Rolex instead.
The Liberace of Sports, figure skater Johnny Weir comes in at #9. “I like to clothes that make me happy”, said Johnny. Alex Rodriquez is at #8. “I love a man in stripes”, said Joan ” and prisoner #4158, I’m talking to you”.
NFL, Giants receiver Victor Cruz lands at #7. Joan asked, “Do you know why the Giants are like a tampon”? “They’re only good for one period, and they have no second string”.
Surfer Melea Jones is #6, Ryan Lochte #5, Serena Williams, who has just won the French Open and her 16th Grand Slam title is #4.
Patriots quarterback and husband of Gisele Bundchen, Tom Brady is #3. “More guys look up to Tom Brady than George Michael in a public bath”, was Joan’s comment.
Tennis great, Maria Sharapova “The hottest thing since Chernobel”, is #2. See Maria as our Feature image.
Join mizhollywood.com next week as we celebrate Joan Rivers’ birthday!